The Conscientious Washer Woman

Much as I love natural fabrics, like all things of quality they can be high maintenance and many need special care - hand washing, tricky ironing or dry cleaning, not to mention being kept well away from the dreaded clothes moths! 

On the other hand there is a generation of man-made fabrics that can replicate the feel and flow of their natural counterparts, whilst not creasing or bagging and being easy peasy to wash and wear.   There’s just one problem, I now know all those clothes in my wardrobe that are made from synthetic textiles shed microfibres every time I wash them and these are released into rivers and oceans damaging wildlife and the environment. These tiny plastic pieces are even found in the arctic ice and remotest parts of the deep sea. 

You may ask why I don’t just throw out all my clothes made from synthetic fabrics  - although this too would have a cost to the environment.  Well for starters, this would clear out nearly half my wardrobe and we’re not talking about cheap and cheerful clothes, but special items I have collected and invested in over the years.  I love these clothes and wear them season after season because they are not only stylish designs, they also keep looking good wash after wash.  And this is where the Guppyfriend Washing Bag comes in…  

A new discovery for me, the Guppyfriend Washing Bag was the idea of a group of surfers and offers a scientifically approved filter to help reduce micro plastics released through washing synthetic textiles. The Guppyfriend significantly reduces fibres from breaking during machine washing, meaning it also extends the life of your clothes.  The fibres that do break during washing are captured inside the bag and can easily be removed and disposed of properly.  What’s not to like about the Guppyfriend!

Check it out on www.guppyfriend.com 

I keep losing my Mojo

To lose your Mojo occasionally is normal, but to keep losing it – come on!

What does this Mojo look like you may ask?  Well it’s sort of light and bouncy and a bit sparky, vibrant even, and it’s full of energy and curiosity and it’s bright and shiny and filled with fun.  So how can I keep losing something so big and out there?  Well here’s the thing, recently it just keeps fizzling out; goes flat; runs out of steam – poof, it’s just drained away.  And when it’s gone so has the joy and everything becomes deflated and this big effort and its hard to muster the energy to even try and get it back.  

It’s really hard to believe I can’t take more care of my Mojo; it’s such a precious thing and so much of who I am and what I can achieve, and yet in this winter lockdown something has happened and I’m struggling to find my Mojo.  I’ve never been one of those people who are on full beam Mojo from the minute they wake to the time they sleep, that could be quite exhausting – for me and everyone else!  My Mojo has days when it’s a bit more laid back than others, when it takes a little break to curl up in a corner and have a quiet kip, but it’s still around; still ready to perk up and play.  This lockdown, unlike the first, has seen days when my Mojo has just gone off, out of sight, lost and I don’t feel at all like myself.   Without my Mojo I feel slack, listless, low, under par, without motive, no oomph, gloomy as the skies outside and guilty. Guilty about losing my Mojo, about lacking purpose and not even summoning the energy to do simple tasks like clearing up the pile of papers in my office or sorting out a bit more of my overstuffed wardrobe.

There are a few things my Mojo likes and that’s where I start.  First, I set myself an early morning task to get me up; walking for a couple of hours from 07.30 four days a week – two or three times with a friend and once or twice on my own listening to Radio 1 to give me bounce and pace, or just listening to the sounds around me, taking time to enjoy nature and process my thoughts. Twice a week I do a 09.30 Zoom Pilates class – roll out my mat, breathe and focus.  My Mojo loves a bit of exercise; it also likes the feeling of being freshly showered, made up and wearing a different look every day, rather than the same old saggy, baggy outfit. Comfort is fine, but adding a bit of style and ringing the changes tickles my Mojo, so it’s well worth the effort. 

Second, I need to find something to spike the Mojo’s interest and that starts with making some plans. When my Mojo’s on a go-slow it can be hard to crank up any enthusiasm, so I start small.  Something interesting to eat maybe – no, Mojo, that doesn’t just mean chocolate, or another lazy bowl of cereal.  This weekend I’m cooking a delicious Coq au Vin that will last me two days. I’m not a great cook, but varying my diet with nutritious ingredients is good for me and my Mojo.  I normally love reading, but for some reason I’m now finding a lack of desire to pick up a book, so I give myself a dedicated reading time.  Chunking my day up gives me an excuse to keep bringing the Mojo back to heel – come on Mojo, it’s time for the Podcast or to call a friend! There are a few rules like no television or alcohol before 6.00pm, but I do allow myself an afternoon nap now and again, because nine times out of ten I wake up refreshed and the Mojo revived.   

As the days get shorter and colder and life ahead becomes more uncertain, I think it’s even more important to keep a close watch on your Mojo.   Has your Mojo been sloping off recently?  Have you found this lockdown more difficult than the first one?  And what have you been doing to keep your Mojo fully charged and on hand?

 Leave your comments here…

Doorstepping (an uninvited intrusion on your doorstep)

Doesn’t it always happen when you’ve been out on the shop and just as you reach your front door, hands full of parcels, your phone starts ringing while your rummaging to find your keys at the bottom of your bag and suddenly you need to cross your legs urgently because you need to wee now! 

I know it’s not just me, because I’ve heard the same story from so many other women, and not just older women.  In spite of having two children and too many stiches with the first one, a premature breech birth, I was always rather proud of my pelvic floor muscles.  But back in the day I was very fit and exercising all my muscles regularly until I started a new, office-based career where I spent an awful lot of time sitting on my bottom and exercising my brain.  It must have crept up on me slowly, but some twenty years later there came a day when holding on was not working like it used to and there were occasions where that doorstep moment led to a flood of embarrassment!  Particularly embarrassing for me as in my previous career in teaching and writing about health and fitness I had always championed the pelvic floor muscles and so had no excuse to have let them go, but that’s just what I did.

So wherever you are when you’re reading this please give your pelvic floor muscles a little squeeze because they are absolute stars.  If you’ve lost touch, let me remind you that your pelvic floor muscles are the layers of muscles that run between across your pelvic basin between your pubic bone and your coccyx.  They hold your abdominal contents in place and through them pass your urethra, vagina and anus.  These are surrounded by sphincter muscles, which are configured in a figure of eight, and which keep a grip on things.  Your pelvic floor muscles are like Atlas holding up the world, but when you cough, laugh, sneeze or jump about it’s like someone giving the world a big shove from above, so Atlas has to brace himself to stop his knees from buckling! I hope you get the picture.

If your pelvic floor muscles are truly shot I can’t promise you they will ever fully regain their former glory days, or restore full control if you have stress incontinence (would be better named distress incontinence), but you can certainly help prevent them from getting weaker and hopefully gain some extra strength in them.

Like all exercise, to be effective you have to work your muscles regularly – remember the old adage, use it or lose it!  But here’s the thing, your pelvic floor muscles are also your pleasure muscles, so rather than being a chore you could think of these exercises as being a bit more like fun – see exercise 4…

You can do these exercises sitting, standing, or lying down with your knees bent.   It’s no longer recommended to practice these exercises sitting on the lavatory and trying to stop your wee flow mid-stream.

Exercise 1 – the basics:  If you’re out of practice I would recommend stating lying on you back with your knees bent.  First, relax and take a deep breath in.  Breath out slowly to a count of three as you tighten your vagina and your wee muscle (urethra) as if you were holding back your wee.  Hold for a couple of seconds, still breathing out, and then breath in as you slowly release the muscles.  Repeat, building up to ten repetitions.  Don’t worry if you can’t coordinate with your breathing and squeezing at first, just focus on activating the muscles, but don’t hold your breath!  Repeat this sequence several times a day.

Do any of you remember an exercise called, The Lift?  The lift involves starting at the opening of your vagina and then slowly tightening upward from there until you reach the top floor (up towards the top of your vagina). Hold for a couple of seconds and then – and here’s the hard part – slowly release downwards floor by floor.  Try not to let your lift go into free-fall!  If you’ve neglected your pelvic floor muscles for years this is going to take practice, but please persevere.  It’s better to do a few sets of exercises throughout the day, than to try and do too many all in one go until you have muscle fatigue.  If you persevere you will soon start to build up strength.

Exercise 2 – back to front: In this exercise focus on your back passage and tighten the area around your anus (back passage).   Same breathing, same trying to close from the outside and squeeze in and upwards, then releasing slowly.  Repeat a few times. 

Best to try the next bit lying down at first.  Starting at your back passage squeeze in and then forwards towards the front of your pelvis (pubic bone), via your vagina and wee muscle, pulling in and up through the full length of your pelvic floor muscles.  Try it also in reverse, going from front to back.

Exercise 3 – side to side: This one may need a bit of mental imaging to help you squeeze inwards from sitting bone to sitting bone, pulling in from the sides of your pelvic basin.  Same breathing and repetitions as above.

The brilliant thing about the basic pelvic floor exercises is that you can do them anywhere and at any time, at home, at work or even on the bus, because no one can see!  Some people find it helpful to set themselves reminders throughout the day, such as before meals.

Exercise 4 – get a grip:  For those of you of a more sensual nature or who would like some biofeedback, you might want to test your strength by inserting one or two fingers into your vagina and squeezing.  You can also try this with your partner…Another of my favourite exercises is to imagine you are chewing soft fruit in your vagina using a gentle squeezing and releasing motion.

Whatever exercises you choose to work your pelvic floor don’t end with everything slack and relaxed; always finish off with a little pull up. 

If you’re worried about any form of incontinence, please don’t be shy about seeking help from your doctor.  It is a hugely common problem and, depending on the cause, there are medical interventions that can help.  In the meantime, keep up exercising your pelvic floor muscles – oh, and my final tip is to have your front door keys in your pocket for quick access when you’ve been out and about!

Thoughtful Dressing vs Emotional Dressing

Do you meticulously plan what you’re going to wear each day; think about the occasion, the impression you want to make, the practicality of what you’re going to wear, or do you dive into your wardrobe willy nilly and randomly pull out clothes and throw together an outfit  that makes you feel happy? In other words are you a Thoughtful Dresser, or an Emotional Dresser?

The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive and a number of women will be able to flex between the two, but for some women there is no compromise and this may be a reflection of their personality type.  It can be easy to conform to a certain way of dressing, but this can have its restrictions.   For anyone who has taken the Myers Briggs personality test you may recognise that I have chosen two opposing personality types – thinkers and feelers – as a way of exploring how we can fall into a rut and how we could perhaps experiment with some of attributes of our opposite numbers.

If your personality type is ‘Thinker’, you will tend to be logical and fact driven with a preference for order and reason and you are most likely to also be a Thoughtful Dresser.  In extremis, you will probably own a meticulously curated capsule wardrobe with a limited colour palette that can be mixed and matched so that all your pieces will work together and take you from work to an evening out.  You will plan ahead, checking details from the weather forecast to who you are meeting and the impression you want to make.  Your wardrobe will be highly organised and your clothes and accessories will be kept in pristine condition and neatly arranged in an orderly fashion.  You are unlikely to be an impulse buyer and will choose quality over quantity, perhaps buying one or two key pieces a season, or for a special occasion.

If you are a ‘Feeler’ personality you will tend to be more creative and emotionally driven, perhaps others might see you as slightly chaotic at times.  Whereas the Thoughtful Dresser is ordered and thinks of clothes as functional, as an Emotional Dresser you will love your clothes and will often buy randomly on impulse and have a wardrobe stuffed with clothes that don’t necessarily go together.  You probably won’t plan what you’re going to wear, but you will be able to put together a look that, usually, works, even if this means half the clothes in your wardrobe are discarded on the floor in the process! 

Of course, these are very crude stereotypes to make a point, but the clothes you choose and how you wear them do reflect your personality and they do say something about who you are, even though you may not realise it.  There are times, however, where Thoughtful Dressers could experience a thrill from a bit more spontaneity and Emotional Dressers could benefit from more consideration when buying and storing their clothes.   

So if you’re a Thoughtful Dresser and something catches your eye that’s way outside your comfort zone, but gives you that frisson of excitement, don’t overthink it, give it a go! You may not need it now, but if it looks great then you will love wearing it and find the occasions. Isn’t it so often the case that when you do have a special occasion coming up you can’t find anything in the shops that fits the bill! If your wardrobe is a sea of good taste and monochromes, then try adding a pop of colour, or a piece of statement jewellery.

If you’re an Emotional Dresser then your wardrobe could probably do with some thoughtful culling. Start by taking out all your clothes, laying them out and taking out anything that is worn out and has lost its oomph or that no longer fits. You probably have emotional attachments to a lot of your clothes, but if you’re not going to wear them any more and they’re still in good condition, take them to the charity shop or sell them on eBay so someone else can enjoy them as much as you have. Once you’ve sorted out the keepers - and this could be an ongoing process - then see what outfits you can put together. from what’s left. If there are items that really don’t go with anything else, put them on the out pile because you’re probably never going to wear them. Having less clothes, but clothes that work together will give you more space and actually more choice of ensambles. When you’re out shopping and fall in love with something, try and think before you buy! What will it go with? When will you wear it? Do you need it - have you already got other similar items at home? You get the picture.

Whether you’re a Thoughtful or an Emotional Dresser, try taking a leaf or two out of your opposite number’s book and see what happens!

Are your muscles wearing well?

Wearing Well™ is not just about looking good, it’s also about your physical and emotional wellbeing.  We are often told we must keep our strength up, especially as we age, and this can refer to both our physical and mental strength and resilience - and the best and most effective way to do this is by taking regular exercise.  For many people the word exercise holds no appeal, perhaps this goes way back to your school days when you were forced to play games in the freezing cold or to leap over things in the gym when your body was clearly not built for this type of action.   Or perhaps you’ve just got out of the habit of exercising and prefer to sit and read or watch television or you can’t find the time or, indeed, you simply can’t be bothered! 

If you do take any form of regular exercise, you will certainly notice the benefits.  I love to walk early in the morning when the air is fresh and there are not so many people about.  It’s also a great time to think things through. When my last relationship ended the thing that was most effective in helping me process my distress and get back on track was fast walking. I also do Pilates twice a week – now on Zoom of course – and this works my core muscles and upper body.  

Although muscles gradually deteriorate as we age, we can slow this down through regular exercise - remember the old adage, ‘use it or lose it’!  If your muscles have become very neglected from lack of activity, then you will need to start to build them up slowly and gently. It needs to be little and often, rather than the occasional punishing session.   You may be looking for muscle strength, power or endurance, all of which can be achieved by different types of training, but it’s also just as important to keep muscles stretched so they are flexible. Keeping a good balance between your muscle strength and flexibility will help you maintain your posture and full range of mobility. There is nothing more ageing than a rounded back and stiff gait.  As I’ve got older I’ve certainly noticed I stiffen up a lot more first thing in the morning and if I’ve been sitting for any length of time, but as soon as I start to move my muscles soon warm up and kick back into action. 

Another reason your muscles can grow tight is because of tension.  When you’re stressed, angry or anxious your muscles can tense up, particularly around your neck and shoulders.  Releasing these muscles through gentle stretching exercises or massage can not only help you relax your physical tension, but also help dispel your emotional tensions.  To be even more effective use your breathing - first take a deep breath in and then breathe out slowly as you stretch and relax.

Why not give it a go? Now is a great time to start to working some muscle magic!

If you were a car, what car would you be and why?

Is there a type of car you identify with; a car that you feel matches your looks and personality?  Are you fast and sleek, or solid and reliable?  Are you a car that says look at me, but has a temperamental engine, or are you all about the engine, rather than the design?

My ex-husband loved cars and had a few interesting models including a 1936 Bentley complete with running boards and bug-eyed headlights.  The interior smelt of leather and it oozed the class and luxury of its day.  He also went through a series of 1970s Porsche 911s.  They were my favourites, beautiful to look at and so smooth and fun to drive with a deep throaty chortle, but I’m not a Porsche!  My favourite car, and the one I identify with, was my old Volkswagen Beetle – the peoples’ car – interestingly, designed by Ferdinand Porsche, but built as a workhorse.  I called my Beetle, George, and he was painted Ferrari red with a black interior – I wear a lot of black, my hair is red...  George had a Vege engine, which meant he had a bit more acceleration and speed than the basic Beetle.  I liked that because people didn’t expect it when they looked at him – it’s good to have some surprises in reserve.  George was one of millions, but he had a cheerful disposition, distinctive, cool design and a bit of a cult status. In the end, George needed more spending on him than I could afford so I sold him to an enthusiast who could do the work himself and, as far as I know, George is still going strong.  And I still have a little collection of red model Beetles that I treasure…

I find it a fun, but interesting exercise to imagine yourself as a car persona because it helps you think about how you identify yourself and what values are important to you.  I also like the car analogy because cars need maintenance and so do we!  The other day I was reading about a face cream that claimed it could plum up your skin, making it look fresh and more youthful.  Whilst it does have a proven effect, the criticism was that to maintain the effect you have to apply the cream every day.  Well yes… you also clean your teeth every day and exercise every day and have to do all sorts of other things if you want to keep well maintained and healthy!  I understand that applying a face cream that visibly improves your skin will come at a cost and is not a necessary bit of kit – you can buy much cheaper products that will perfectly adequately moisturise your skin – but if you’re looking for something that gives you extra benefits then the research that goes into developing the product formula and the high end ingredients that make the product effective, are all going to add to the cost.  OK, there’s also the packaging, the marketing and the brand name to be factored in, but then these may also have a value for you. 

How important is it that your persona car paintwork is kept in good condition, polished even, and the engine regularly serviced, or are you not all that bothered by the odd rattle and mud splashes as long as your car can get you from A to B?   

As I am now a classic car, rapidly slipping into the vintage age category, I realise that I need to invest a lot more into my maintenance to keep things running smoothly and to stop my paintwork flaking, or heaven forbid, any signs of rust!  My investment into my continuing upkeep is both in time and money.  I don’t have a limitless budget, so before I spend on high end products such as serums I do my research to ensure, as far as I can, that they will work.  I also love beautiful things, so the design of the packaging can also influence my purchase of some products, although by no means all – I love Aesop and their products come in the most basic packaging, but the ingredients are all brilliant.  I also go for regular long, brisk walks – and these provide free weight bearing, and lightly aerobic exercise, although I have invested in a good pair of Nike walking shoes to support my feet. I’m not a great cook, but I eat plenty of fresh vegetables, fruit and fish, which I prepare simply and which are cheaper and much healthier than ready meals.   It’s a waste to spend money on products that nourish your skin from the outside, if you’re not nourishing yourself from the inside and drinking water to keep you - and your skin - hydrated.    Unfortunately, unlike your car persona, you can’t trade yourself in for the latest model, but you can make sure you keep your bodywork sparkling and engine running as smoothly as possible. 

So what car are you and why?

Is being an older woman a liberating experience for you?

In her poem, Warning, Jenny Joseph imagines her older self and the freedoms she will enjoy when she is liberated from the conventions of her life. I believe that we can change throughout our lives - I had certainly reinvented myself at least twice before I hit 50, including dying my hair bright red aged 26 and never looking back! Now I’m enjoying another renaissance as an older woman, and finding it is indeed liberating. For example, I have always loved wearing black, but now I am adding bright colours to my wardrobe but, unlike Jenny Joseph’s imagined older self, who defiantly relishes the fact that wearing purple with a clashing red hat that doesn’t suit her, I have found the odd clash of vibrant colours actually works and I really enjoy putting them together. One of my favourite combos is a hot orange coat from Jigsaw teamed with a raspberry beret. Rather than feeling I have to shock people, I find making bold colour choices gives me confidence, a sense of fun and even joy!

Many older people say they feel invisible, but is this because we start thinking ourselves ‘old’ or because of the way the world perceives older people, or perhaps a bit of both? Changes in circumstances as well as changes in our physical appearance and attitude can all knock our confidence and make us feel a more timid, shadowy version of ourselves. Ageism is certainly out there, so to be seen we need to present a more confident version of ourselves. For many women who have had to conform to dress codes or been constrained by situations or relationships where adornment was discouraged or disapproved of, or who have felt restricted by social conventions, work and family life, being older can provide a new freedom to experiment and discover other versions of themselves. For some this is a liberating and joyful time, but for others the prospect may be daunting, or even not desirable. But if you don’t want to quietly fade into the background in your third age, then this is a wonderful time to experiment with your creativity and present yourself to the world as the brilliant, beautiful, confident and liberated butterfly you are in this new era of your life!

The key to being a bolder woman lies in your attitude and your willingness to try new things. It doesn’t have to be radical, even taking small steps like wearing a bright lipstick or scarf, or signing up for a course, or joining a group of like minded people can kick start a whole new confidence and be a liberating experience.

What makes you feel confident? Please add your thoughts and comments below.

If you need some help, I offer online Discovery Workshop on aspects of living as an older woman, including how to reinvent your style, please email me at: hellowearingwell@gmail.com

Why I’m all for anti-ageing…

For some time there has been a strong rejection of the term anti-ageing.  This mainly stems from the way the multi-million dollar beauty industry has advertised products to older women, by modelling them on young women, implying a product can turn back the clock – hope in a bottle, pot or tube.  This has led to anti-ageing becoming a derogatory term associated with seeing old age as some nasty disease to be hidden away, the antithesis of celebrating age.  I totally understand this, and it’s easy to follow this way of thinking but being contrary, I would like to present my take on the term anti-ageing. 

To me anti-ageing does not mean being against age but refers to the precautions we can take to help delay the ageing process for as long as possible – especially important now we are living longer.  For example, we know that the sun damages, and causes premature ageing of the skin and potentially cancer, therefore, using a sunscreen is an eminently sensible way of helping prevent this.  Bones reach their maximum density in your 20s and eating a healthy diet and doing weight bearing exercises are the best ways to slow the rate of bone loss, especially as after the menopause they lose density more rapidly.  These are what I call anti-aging measures and, of course, the earlier you start the better. Even if you were too busy with other things to bother much about the future in your youth and thought you’d live forever, it’s never too late to start. Nothing is going to turn back the clock but you can delay further damage and degeneration. However, wouldn’t you know it, there’s no easy fix and to be effective you need to keep up the good work for life.  

Usually the first and most visual sign of ageing is in your skin. As I’ve aged, my skin has lost elasticity and become dryer and thinner than it was when I was in my 30s and 40s.  First there were the fine lines, now wrinkles, the odd age spot and a few tiny veins have appeared.  I have also developed rosacea, a type of acne that affects older people.   This means I’ve had to adapt and update the skincare regimes and products I use. I have no illusion that any products are going to make me look younger, nor do I want that - my lines tell of a life well lived - but they are going to help keep my skin in better condition.  I may be older, but I still want to look and feel my best, so I attend to my skincare and apply make-up every day without fail to help even out my skin tone and add a bit of colour, freshness and, dare one say, a youthful glow!.  I love my bright red lipstick and, whilst this may seem frivolous to some, it gives me, and many others, a psychological boost.

Good nutrition and regular exercise provide the building blocks for a healthy body, just as learning new things helps keep your brain active and your mind exercised.  I can still walk for miles and do a two minute full plank, but whereas I used to be able to squat right down with my heels on the floor and spring straight up without any effort, annoyingly, now I often have to use my hands to help push myself up off the floor. I’m still quite strong and supple, but I’ve lost some muscle power, my joints stiffen when I’m still for too long and I have to practice my balance.  Sometimes I have days when my mind can feel a bit slow and foggy, whilst on others, usually when I’m feeling excited or stimulated by something new or fun, my brain feels sharp and bright. I want to fully embrace my old age and enjoy my life to the full, so combating these elements of ageing makes keeping up physical and mental exercise, adopting healthy habits and good skincare even more imperative.  It may take more effort as time goes on, but I am determined to keep up my anti-ageing programme.

What’s your take on anti-ageing?